Tag: Self Care

Me First Leadership

self-hug

Love is a verb.

We know true love by actions, not feelings.

People can’t really know how we feel - they gauge our love by what we do.

Love in action is proportional to our self-love.

“[Love] is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them - we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.” - Brenè Brown

We can’t give what we don’t have.

Leadership is a verb.

We know true leadership by actions, not words.

or titles…

or promises…

or popularity…

When we describe a great leader we talk about what they do.

How they respond to adversity.

How they treat people.

How they earn trust.

How they get results.

We can only lead others as much as we lead ourselves.

And just like love, leadership flows from the inside out.

When we neglect the actions that generate self-respect we struggle to act in ways that generate other-respect. Sooner or later our self-doubt and incongruity will come to the surface. We can only operate as a divided self for so long before we lose our ability to hold the tension and do something we regret.

We can’t be available and take the right course of action if our inner resources are depleted. We can’t lift others up when we’re bottomed out.

Healthy leadership needs wholehearted leaders.

That’s why it’s so important for leaders to cultivate their inner lives. As difficult as that is to do in our distracted, hyperactive world we must find ways to carve out the time. As Dr. Stephen Covey noted we must learn to “put first things first”.

And sometimes that means putting me first.

Wait a minute, isn’t leadership supposed to be about serving others?

Yep.

Me-first leadership isn’t selfish or narcissistic.

It means caring for our body, mind and heart so that we have the resources, energy, confidence and capacity to give our best and do our best.

Body - The attention our body needs - e.g., sleep/rest, nutrition, exercise - things that nourish and energize your body, that replenish your resources.

Mind - The attention our mind needs - e.g., learning, hobbies, meditation - things that clear and refresh your mind, that spark your imagination.

Heart - The attention our heart needs - e.g., relationships, retreats, fun - things that heal and restore your spirit, that make you come alive.

It’s the opposite of selfish.

It just might be the most giving thing we can do.

So if your heart’s desire is to be the best leader you can be and make a difference over the long haul then make me-time a priority. Put it on your schedule. Learn to say no to others so you can say yes to you.

Treat yourself with the same compassion, forgiveness, care and support that you give to the people you lead. Maybe even a little more. Create an abundance in your own life that naturally flows to others.

Because leaders are at their best when they lead from all three of these dimensions.

And you can’t give out what you don’t put in.

10 Practices for Leading Lightly

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The nature of leadership is resistance and change.

A constant struggle to bring ideas and opportunities to life and overcome a myriad of obstacles in order to achieve goals which, once achieved, will be replaced by a new set of goals with many of the same challenges. Even if we by nature love the role of leadership, this perpetual cycle can wear us down over time, sapping our creative energy and our joy.

As evidence to this reality, we can observe hundreds if not thousands of articles, blog posts, videos and social media comments in the coming week that will offer various approaches and solutions to all the complexities leaders face. Not only are we confronted with the daily struggle to understand, prioritize and act on the many decisions we will face, but we also have the nagging worry about whether we are “doing it right” in light of our own high expectations those of our bosses, peers, and followers. The pressure can be enormous at times, but more often it is the compound effect of these constant daily struggles that puts us on edge.

How do we deal with this ceaseless demand on our mental and emotional energy and the stress it induces?

As human beings, our first inclination is to either escape, withdraw or act out in an effort to avoid or deflect our discomfort. While this approach may provide some short-term relief it will, over time, add to the problem. It is important to remember that this is a natural temptation. To judge ourselves for being human only makes matters worse. Most leaders have a deep desire to do good work, make a positive impact, care for their team and excel in their mission. Yet these noble intentions alone will not sustain us.

Learning to lead lightly is a series of practices that can help us manage our energy and act in alignment with our best intentions.

  1. Care for your body - Get adequate sleep, exercise regularly and eat healthy foods. This is the source of your physical energy and provides the capacity to follow through on other actions that will serve your leadership effectiveness.
  2. Care for your mind - Learn to relax and quiet your mind through meditation and practice putting your mind into a positive state at the beginning of each day. Take the time to expand your mind through reading, journaling and reflection.This is the source of your mental energy and focus.
  3. Put first things first - Using your time effectively and focusing your attention on the things that matter most rather than the multitude of distractions that offer themselves to you throughout the day will help reduce your worry and frustration. Even what seems like a mindless detour can sap the energy that you need for more important tasks. This allows you to use your energy effectively and feel positive about the contribution you are making.
  4. Learn to be curious - Try approaching the events of the day as a curious observer with an open mind. Make it your intention to see what is unique about each situation and allow yourself be patient and observe before you act. Have fun with it if you can. This allows you to move with rather than resist the challenges of the day.
  5. Keep your perspective - Remember that the vast majority of situations you will face are not life or death, (though people around you may be freaking out). Your body may, at first, tense up and your mind may overreact to the story it creates but when you pause to remember the big picture and what really matters you can move into a more helpful state of mind. This allows you to avoid burning energy on an imaginary crisis.
  6. Let others in - Talking things through with another person, sharing the burden and hearing a different point of view can help you recalibrate and center your thinking so that you are better prepared to make decisions or take action. This is how we tap into the energy of our team and renew our capacity.
  7. Choose your words - How you describe your experiences will have a direct impact on how you feel about them and the way you will react. You can choose to be fascinated instead of frustrated or see an opportunity instead of an obstacle. It may sound overly simplistic, but words do have power. Your mind and body will respond to the way you frame the situation. This allows you to channel your energy in a constructive direction.
  8. Show yourself compassion - You won’t always get it right, respond appropriately or choose wisely and that’s ok. Beating yourself up will not help the situation and will burn a tremendous amount of energy. Treat yourself like a good friend. Offer yourself some wise counsel, give yourself some encouragement and then move on. This allows you to channel your energy into learning and growing.
  9. Laugh and smile - Life is short and work consumes a big chunk of our time. There is no reason we can’t enjoy ourselves in the process. When we laugh and smile our energy is renewed. Sometimes it’s the absurdity of the things that make us upset that can provide the best moments of humor. This gives us a natural energy boost during the day and helps us renew a positive mindset.
  10. Commit an act of kindness - Around us every day there are people who need encouragement, support or a kind word. If you want to boost your emotional energy and give yourself a lift, lift up someone else. It’s tempting to be too busy or too focused to stop and be there for someone else, but that moment may be just the spark that energizes the rest of your day and makes it all feel worthwhile. This is a constant source of renewable energy and best of all it is energy that spreads to others.

Much of the burden we shoulder as leaders is self-imposed. By learning to lead lightly, we can be more available to the people we serve and sustain the emotional, mental and physical energy we need to meet the demands of our work.

 

 

Designing Your Day - 30X3

tired

Leadership is a contact sport. Every day will bring its share of team conflicts, urgent challenges, unexpected changes and difficult decisions. With all the demands placed on organizations and leaders we can easily find ourselves “LOST”.

L - low on energy

O - overly stressed

S - short on patience

T - temperamental with others

The cost of these “lost” days is significant. Often we will spend countless hours recovering from the choices made and actions taken while in this condition. For many of us, the best method to avoid becoming lost is to manage our body, spirit and mind effectively so that we have sufficient internal resources to meet the coming demands.

Articles on this topic abound like “10 Successful Morning Habits of Billionaires” and “14 Ways Super Successful People Start Their Day”. I’m not a billionaire, nor super successful, at least by mainstream media standards. I do however have a simple ritual that has helped me tremendously over the years. I would like to share it here with the hope it may be useful to someone who is still trying to figure out a morning routine that is simple and meaningful enough to form a daily habit.

I call it 30-30-30 or by its shorter name, 30X3.

Here’s the formula:

  • 30 minutes of inspiration - You might choose prayer, meditation, visualization, gratitude, reading, listening or some combination thereof. Whatever inspires and reminds you what is most important in your life and helps you focus on your personal or professional goals.
  • 30 minutes of exercise - Get your heart rate up in whatever form suits you best. A short walk, some stretching or a full-out “cardio blast” on the elliptical machine. The key is to get your body moving.
  • 30 minutes of planning - Review your schedule for the day, including non-work related activities. Take note of upcoming meetings or events and things you need to follow-up or get done. Focus on the important tasks and set your priorities for the day. Make adjustments to your schedule if needed. It might help to write down the “critical few” activities and place them somewhere so they are in front of you throughout the day.

That’s it. 90 minutes that lay the foundation for the next 8, 10, 12, hours or whatever makes up your typical work day. You can change the order, change the activity, or change the method, but you commit to spending time on these three activities every morning, (or whenever your day starts). I recommend you do this at least 5 days a week. I find that I can do just about anything for 30 minutes. Even when I don’t “feel like it”. Some people opt for a shorter 20X3 version with 20 minutes spent in each area for a total of one hour. I’ve switched to 20X3 myself when I have less time available for one reason or another and it still works great.

And yes, you should probably allow enough time for a shower, breakfast, commute, etc. as needed when setting your alarm.

Bonus Tips:

  • Change it up. To keep it interesting, I change the order and content of my routine pretty often. Sometimes I start with exercise rather than reflection to help me wake up.
  • If you can find 20 minutes in the middle of the day consider taking a break to sit quietly and meditate, reflect or just rest. This will help you recharge.
  • Getting sufficient sleep is required for this routine to be of value. If you are running on empty from the start this routine may help but the benefit will be short-lived.
  • Eat food that serves your body and increases rather than reduces your energy. I generally focus on healthy, low-carb foods during the day as carbs cause too much fluctuation in my energy levels. Everyone is different. Try different eating patterns and find out what works for you.
  • Have a play day. I treat Saturdays as my “free” day. I try never to work on Saturday and focus on relaxing, resting and doing things I enjoy. I don’t even do the 30X3 routine. I find that having a day where I “give myself a complete work and self-improvement break provides a nice reward for staying disciplined throughout the week.

Whatever routine you choose you will benefit if you “begin with the end in mind” as Stephen Covey taught in his famous Seven Habits. Start your day with the right mental, physical, spiritual and emotional foundation and you will find it improves many areas of your life.

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” - Marcus Aurelius

Please share your thoughts or how you set your day up for success in the comments section below.

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