Tag: Communication

Speaking of Leadership - Words that Connect

November 9, 2015 / / 0 Comments

“Words can sometimes, in moments of grace, attain the quality of deeds.” ~ Elie Wiesel

One particularly difficult afternoon, a young woman on my team stopped by the office and asked if she could talk. As she sat down across from my desk I immediately sensed that she was hurting. Her eyes were red and wet with ready tears as she held a notebook against her chest in a death grip. Considering how my day had gone so far, I braced myself for a difficult conversation and my imagination began to run wild with various imaginary disasters.

Resisting the urge to start the conversation with the obligatory, “what’s wrong?”, I asked her to relax her body and take a deep breath while I did the same. With this small, calming ritual behind us I looked her in the eyes and spoke these words… “Whatever this is about, remember, I am for you.” These were not rehearsed words, they came into my heart as the words she needed, so I spoke them, unsure of how she might react.

At that moment, that’s all she needed from me, to know that she had an ally, someone who believed in her. She poured out the frustration and fear she felt after a particularly difficult meeting where a project she had labored over for weeks had been dismissed in cynical fashion by a particularly bullying senior executive in the organization.

While the treatment she received was far from appropriate, there were lessons to be learned in how she prepared for the audience and presented her proposal, especially knowing that this individual would be in the room. We worked through the experience together, what it meant and how she might put it to use to learn and grow.

This painful experience happened to her, but it would not define her. She decided to give it a different meaning.

From that point forward I had the honor of mentoring her for as long as I remained at the organization. Her development was a joy to watch and she became a great encouragement to me during our time working together.

I believe the key to our conversation and connection was the power of those three simple words…”I’m for You”.

Words have tremendous power. In particular when they come from someone in authority or for whom we have respect. Successful parents, teachers, and leaders of all types recognize the importance of instilling belief and confidence in the hearts of the people they serve.

Simple, yet powerful words that frame the relationship and provide the foundation for positive influence.

I’m with You. - You are not alone. I will be here to support you.

I need You. - You are valuable. I know this will be better with your help.

I trust You. - You are capable. I know you can do this.

I appreciate You. - You are unique. I am grateful for who you are.

For all of the complexities of leadership with its strategies, decisions, problems and politics it always comes down to this person..in this moment.

When we speak these simple and sincere words into the lives of others we invest in the true purpose of leadership.

 

 

 

Cashing Your Reality Checks

September 9, 2015 / / 0 Comments

lightintunnel

The Key Question

What are we pretending not to know…

You know what I’m talking about because everyone is talking about it. Well, not so much about it as around it. And of course, that depends on who is in the room.

Denial is the silent killer. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we humans have a huge capacity to pretend not to see what is right in front of us. Worse yet, we may see the problem but refuse to acknowledge it or take action to prevent the inevitable consequences. On an personal level, the price might be our marriage, our job, our health or our financial stability. At an organizational level, the costs are multiplied and might show up in a loss of talent, ethical failures, poor results and lack of innovation.

That’s why it is so important to cash your reality checks.

Reality checks come in different forms. You’ve experienced them. You see the cracks forming in the dam, but you’re not sure anyone else does so you are afraid to speak up. More problems begin to appear. Small fires but symptomatic of a bigger problem. A pattern begins to develop. Private conversations show a deeper truth that needs the light of day, but no one wants to go there. Relationships break down. Creative energy is channeled into maintaining the masquerade or finding someone or something to blame instead of addressing the problem. Until one day, the problem is too big to be ignored and by then it is too late. The reality checks were never deposited and now the account is empty.

Maybe the reality check is a major event. The serious tremors that warn us of the coming earthquake. Undeniable right? Yet time and again organizations have shown the capacity to ignore even the most obvious signals that something is terribly wrong. They scramble to the stuff the cracks in the walls with paper and promises but refuse acknowledge the crumbling foundation. The equivalent of winning the “reality check lottery” but the ticket is never claimed. They press on, patting themselves on the back for their resilience while maintaining the status quo.

As a leader, you can help your organization cash these reality checks.

  • Cultivate a culture of transparency.
  • Say what you are thinking.
  • Speak about what others might be thinking.
  • State the problem clearly.
  • Check for understanding.
  • Listen carefully.
  • Engage in open dialog.
  • Ask open-ended questions.
  • Invite contrary opinions.
  • Challenge assumptions.
  • Make getting closer to reality more important than being right.
  • Address passive aggressive behavior
  • Let others test your “hypothesis”.
  • Act on what you learn.

Reality checks have tremendous value but only if we take advantage of what they offer. In the short-term the changes they may require of us can be painful, but in the long run, they may likely save us from ourselves. Our willingness to be aware, honest, open and responsive can be the difference between success and failure.

“When dealing with a problem try creating a laboratory instead of a courtroom.”

 

7 Reasons Why Your Message Isn’t Getting Through

August 26, 2015 / / 1 Comment

fingersinears

You thought you covered all the bases.

Emails sent to the team? Check.

Timely speech delivered in weekly staff meeting? Check.

Expectations clearly communicated? Check

One-on-one conversations with key team members? Check.

Then why is everyone carrying on as if nothing was said?

Weren’t they all nodding their heads during your PowerPoint presentation?

Didn’t they get the message?

Clearly not.

So, what’s the problem?

The message might not be the problem.

The problem might be you.

Take a look in the mirror and ask these 7 questions:

1. Are you believable?

It helps if people think you know what you’re doing. You need to demonstrate competence in your role and earn respect by getting involved and getting results. This may come in the form of tackling a longstanding challenge on behalf of the team or addressing a complex problem that others have avoided. You don’t have to save the world, just show people you’ve earned the responsibility you’ve been given.

2. Are you trustworthy?

The importance of trust in leadership has been discussed and expounded upon in countless books and articles. If you want people to act on your message they need to believe you will keep your part of the bargain and that you have their interests, not just your own, in mind. Hold yourself to the standards you expect from others. The bigger the ask, the greater the balance you’ll need in your trust account.

3. Are you listening?

When you do all the talking, don’t be surprised when people stop listening. If you make it all about you, your idea, your solution, you as the smartest person in the room…you get the picture. People want to be heard. You don’t have to act on every idea, but you should be open to discussion and debate. To skip this step is to invite passive aggressive behavior and a lot of head-nodding and lip-service. Try starting with questions instead of answers.

“Listening is being willing to be changed by the other person.” Alan Alda

4. Are you inclusive?

When your idea becomes their idea, or better yet, our idea, which is likely better than your original idea anyway…well…that’s a home run. Then what if you just step out-of-the-way and let them drive the change? It doesn’t get much better than that. Bring others in from the beginning, otherwise, expect to do a lot of huffing and puffing because you have decided to pull the train up the hill all by your lonesome. You may get to the top, but it will take a lot longer and require a lot more energy.

5. Are you grateful?

If your track record is to reward a job well done by piling on more work or to take the public credit for successes the team accomplished you can expect a tough road ahead. Gratitude reduces resistance. Make sure you are rewarding the right behaviors and attitudes, and that your intention is sincere, then be generous with your appreciation.

6. Are you humble?

Did you know you can be strong, confident and humble? In fact, some of the greatest leaders in history were known for their humility. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Be willing to admit when you are wrong, accept tough questions and talk to anyone at any level to gather input. When people sense that you are “with them”, that you are human, they will be more open to what you have to say and what you ask them to do.

7. Are you consistent?

Some leaders put their teams through a never-ending-merry-go-round of impulsive change; chasing after every shiny object that catches their eye and dragging them down rabbit holes. Other leaders set standards for change but then ignore those standards when the top sales person or star performer doesn’t follow through. If you are inconsistent, unpredictable and impulsive your team will begin to dig their heels in to restore some level of fairness, certainty and stability. Soon you’ll be going in circles by yourself.

If all else fails…ask. Sit down with your team and be vulnerable. Ask them why your message isn’t getting through and what you can do to get things back on track. They’ll tell you.

What are other reasons our message might not get through? What are other ways we can help ensure that it does?

 

Pages

Subscribe

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 275 other subscribers

© 2016 Soul To Work

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: