Tag: Authenticity

Befriending our Flaws

broken mirror

All humans are flawed.

Leaders are human.

We all carry wounds.

Worries.

Weaknesses.

The real question is,

Where will those flaws take us?

What will they teach us?

How will they shape our thoughts?

Beliefs.

Actions.

Do we see them as friends?

Or enemies?

Will we go to war with ourselves?

Or make peace possible?

Will we be divided?

Or whole?

Will we fight to conceal and defy our flaws?

Or let them inspire compassion?

Imagination.

Authenticity.

Will we become closed?

Or open.

Hard?

Or soft.

We are imperfect leaders.

We live in an imperfect society.

Work with imperfect people.

Strive in an imperfect system.

Will we break ourselves against the uncertainty?

The unfairness.

The frustration.

Or will we lean in and let these things teach us?

Guide us.

Inspire us.

We must choose.

Again and again.

It is our flaws that inspire our passions,

Inform our empathy,

And unite our stories.

If we let them.

We’ve been taught to fear our flaws.

Laugh them off.

Beat them into submission.

Bury them.

What if,

This is a lie?

What if,

Our flaws can be a source of our greatest potential.

Our deepest relationships.

Our greatest art.

Our hero’s journey.

They can bend us toward “the better angels of our nature”,

Or bind us in fear and judgement.

Our hearts connect at the broken places.

But only if there is a way in.

Our flaws can inform our leadership.

Teach us humility.

Make us wiser.

More lighthearted.

Honest.

Available.

Denying our wounds, worries and weaknesses will not make us stronger.

Only weaker.

Their presence grows.

They get louder.

Assume more control.

We become more sensitive to and angry with the flaws in others.

We withdraw.

Divide.

When we befriend our flaws,

They become our ally.

A resource.

And we become more fully alive.

More fully here.

And more prepared to lead.

In this imperfect world.

Shedding our Sumo Suits

sumo

We’re always bumping into each other.

Not literally, of course, that would hurt.

We’d have to wear those big sumo suits you see during the funny, between-inning antics at a minor league baseball game.

But come to think of it, maybe it really is kind of like that, only the suits are invisible and all the bumping and crashing is going on in our heads.

My insecurity bumps into your need for control.

Your desire for autonomy bumps into my fear of failure.

My pain bumps into your offhand comment.

Your drive to succeed bumps into my quest for balance.

Think of the sumo suit as this kind of protective outer shell we use to cushion the blows and hide what’s on the inside.

An emotional costume.

A mask for our true intentions.

It’s kind of funny when you think about it.

Imagine if everyone came to the office today dressed in a sumo suit.

Morning staff meeting - sumo suits.

Big project meeting - sumo suits.

Hanging out in the break room - sumo suits.

Your boss stops by - sumo suit.

Office dog… OK, no sumo suit.

She doesn’t need one.

So here we are every day, bouncing around the office in our sumo suits.

Avoiding real contact with people.

Measuring up our fellow sumo.

Watching their moves.

Checking the size of their suits.

Looking for an angle.

Trying to keep our balance.

Bracing for impact.

Carefully bumping someone over the nearby cubicle wall.

But not so anyone would notice.

Or maybe we don’t wear our sumo suits all the time.

We just keep them under our seats like the inflatable emergency vest on an airplane.

Ready to pull the cord when we sense danger.

The problem with sumo suits is that they make everyone look the same.

They turn collaboration into competition.

They keep us all at arm’s length.

They dictate the stories in our heads.

Taking off our sumo suit makes us vulnerable.

It’s a risk.

Someone has to go first.

Then others will follow.

That’s leadership.

Now we can see one another.

We share our stories.

We learn to understand.

We turn our differences into strengths.

And save the sumo suits for the Christmas party.

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